CAROLYN'S COMPOSITIONS

September 21, 2014

Marriage Can Endure…

CAROLYN’S COMPOSITIONS

MARRIAGE CAN ENDURE…

In 1999 a magazine approached me with a request: would I do a piece for them on a couple celebrating their 70th anniversary? You can read about their life together on a previous post, on CAROLYN’S COMPOSITIONS:  SEVENTY YEARS OF LOVE . While doing the interview for the article I snapped the following picture:

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Seventy years of marriage. Anyone marrying that long ago would expect to be married until death—that the marriage vows that state as long as you live, ‘til death you do part are serious business. Marriages would endure.

It is unlikely that my husband Monte and I will celebrate 70 years of marriage. However, our marriage has lasted longer than most—we celebrated 40 years on September 3 in this year of 2014, by having An Apple Cider Adventure . We look forward to our 50th in two years.

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My grandparents, Albert and Mable (May Isabelle) married in 1920, and separated by my grandmother’s death 35 years later. The gloves she wore in her wedding were laid over my daughters Bible when she was married in 2008. The gloves, to me, represent marital stability. They endured for 88 years and remain in good condition.

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In the box with the gloves was a (more…)

November 18, 2013

Happy Wives Club…Do You Qualify?

CAROLYN’S COMPOSITIONS

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Hugs for Diane and Tom

HAPPY WIVES CLUB…DO YOU QUALIFY?

We come to love not by finding a perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly. —Sam Keen

I’m shamelessly cutting and pasting a blurb from the Happy Wives Club website, for today’s post. After all, I’ve been immersed for years in couples (and families) involved in domestic violence. How nice it is to see another side.

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First, there were the Stepford Wives.  Then came the Desperate Housewives of Wisteria Lane.  Followed by the “Real Housewives” of Orange County, Atlanta, Washingon D.C., New Jersey and New York.

Wives are miserable.  Marriages usually fail.  Husbands eventually cheat.  This is what so many have come to believe.  But this is not everyone’s reality.  It is certainly not mine.  I am a happy wife.  I love being married.  I adore my husband.  And I am not an anomaly.

Yes, there are some unhappy wives, marriages that end in divorce and husbands who are unfaithful.  But are they the majority?  We don’t believe they are and we’re setting out to prove it.

We’re searching for at least 1 million happy wives all over the world. Those like us who enjoy being a wife, absolutely adore their husband and are still head-over-heels in love.

Are you a Happy Wife?  If you are, just click here to ‘Join the Club’ or on the top of this page and give us your name, city, state and/or country.  That’s it.  It is that simple.  Once you’ve joined the ‘club,’ please invite your friends.  Together, we’ll get to 1 million members faster than you can say, “I Am a Happy Wife!”

Love doesn’t make the world go round. Love is what makes the ride worthwhile. —Franklin P. Jones

END QUOTE:

It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages. —Friedrich Nietzsche
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(A NaBloPoMo post)

http://www.nablopomo.com

https://www.blogher.com/files/NaBloPoMo_November_small.jpg

March 6, 2010

A Daily Online Lenten Study Guide: Day 16

CAROLYN’S COMPOSITIONS

A DAILY ONLINE LENTEN STUDY GUIDE: DAY 16

Monte Holland

This is the sixteenth in a series of daily Lenten devotionals called “Scriptural Lessons Leading to a Godly and Moral Life.” To start the study, click on: A Daily Online Lenten Study Guide: Introduction or

https://carolyncholland.wordpress.com/2010/02/16/a-daily-online-lenten-study-guide-introduction/

To view yesterday’s A DAILY ON-LINE LENTEN STUDY GUIDE click on: A Daily Online Lenten Study Guide: Day 15

Today’s photographs feature Thunder on the Mountain UAL Flt. 93 Memorial Chapel in Shanksville, PA To view click on: http://ligonierliving.blogspot.com/2010/03/daily-online-lenten-study-guide-day-16.html

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The Seventh Commandment:  14Be faithful in marriage.  Exodus 20:14    

     As I said previously, everything is about being good stewards of God’s Creation. Since human beings are responsible for producing a new generation, most of our society, and most societies, consider marriage the appropriate model for reproduction and for rearing the resulting children to adulthood. Marriage is intended to produce a stable environment for a growing child, one in which they learn about relating to God and interacting with other human beings and the created order in general.

     In the marriage ceremony, before God, a man and a woman promise faithfulness to each other and to God. In specific they promise to only have sexual relations only with each other until one of them dies. Ideally, this makes the marriage strong and provides the best environment for children while they are growing to adulthood. Other factors are also important for the strength of the family, as will be seen in the remaining commandments.

     Marriage sets the standard for human sexual behavior, restricting sexual relations (to love in the deepest sense) to your marriage partner. Beyond this, though not stated specifically here, comes the prohibition of fornication—sexual relations with a person you are not married to. Single persons dishonor God when they have sex outside marriage. The Bible’s ban on fornication affirms the importance of monogamous sexual relations as a cement in the marriage and supports marriage as a children-rearing unit.

     Although extramarital sexual relations have always been part of the culture, the current generations have pushed very hard to expand the envelope on both fornication and adultery. The commandment stands as a call to take seriously the stewardship of our deepest human relationship, which includes human intimacy and rearing children in a stable environment.

Hear the Apostle Paul in 1 Corinthians 6:14-20: The body is meant not for fornication but for the Lord, and the Lord for the body. And God raised the Lord and will also raise us by his power. Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ? Should I therefore take the members of Christ and make them members of a prostitute? Never! Do you not know that whoever is united to a prostitute becomes one body with her? For it is said, “The two shall be one flesh.” But anyone united to the Lord becomes one spirit with him. Shun fornication! Every sin that a person commits is outside the body; but the fornicator sins against the body itself. Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, which you have from God, and that you are not your own? For you were bought with a price; therefore glorify God in your body.

The Seventh Commandment: DO NOT COMMIT ADULTERY. (DO NOT HAVE SEXUAL RELATIONS OUTSIDE OF YOUR MARRIAGE COMMITMENT.)

Note: Marriage is a sacred trust, a cornerstone of a stable society—raising children and bringing a new generation into adulthood is a key part of life. Marriages with tensions of sexual promiscuity do not provide a good environment for the nurture of children. However, this Scripture has no statement that rejects other types of home structure, even though healthy types of home structures are expected to include the common denominator that adultery and fornication are not permitted.

EXERCISES:

Exercise 1: “Casual sex” is a common phrase in our vocabulary. This seems to imply that sexual relations are sometimes of little or no consequence. The Sixth Commandment says otherwise. The sexual experience is emotional as well as physical in a rather intense way. Give your own (more…)

June 21, 2009

A Father-Daughter reunion after 30 years

CAROLYN’S COMPOSITIONS

A FATHER-DAUGHTER REUNION AFTER 30 YEARS

    On this Father’s Day, 2009, I decided to review some letters I received from my father and to journal the first of our two reunions.

     I wear my Cornell University jacket and cap very proudly and very humbly.

     And not, in the least bit, deceitfully.

     No, I did not attend or graduate from Cornell University, I tell people who want to know. However, I did attend “Cornell University”—the “Cornell University of (more…)

May 25, 2009

Why women stay in abusive relationships: Is this the right question?

CAROLYN’S COMPOSTITIONS

WHY WOMEN STAY IN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIPS:

IS THIS THE RIGHT QUESTION?

      Why would a woman who’s been savagely beaten by her boyfriend run right back into his arms?

     That was the question people asked when singer Rihanna, who not only didn’t press charges after her boyfriend (singer Chris Brown) allegedly assaulted her in February, but may have even reconciled with him.

     It’s a question asked repeatedly by persons familiar with any abuse situation where the victim returns to a dangerous situation. And it’s a hard situation for most people to understand.

     Most often, the abused woman’s self-esteem is (more…)

April 29, 2009

Characteristics of and lures used by child molesters

CAROLYN’S COMPOSITIONS

CHARACTERISTICS OF AND LURES USED BY CHILD MOLESTORS

 

 

     April is National Child Abuse Prevention Month. (to view photo click on: http://www.flickr.com/photos/carolyncholland/3412621389/). I will be continuing my posts on child abuse and domestic violence throughout the month. Please be there for children whom you suspect are being abused. Sometimes, all you can do is hold out a loving hand and pray for them.

     This post is part of a continuing series about child abuse and parenting. At the end of this article are links to the other posts on this subject. If the links do not work, go to www.carolyncholland.wordpress.com , click on the folder CHILD ABUSE or the folder DOMESTIC VIOLENCE, and scroll down the posts to find answers to your questions.

 

     It is essential for a parent to know the characteristics of a child sexual abuser in order to protect their child. It is equally important to understand how perpetrators lure children into their web of harm, and to teach their child how to identify danger and respond to it, and most importantly, to report it to a safe person.

     However, if adults can be fooled, how much easier is it to fool a child. Parents need to be knowledgeable and continually alert to the dangers around their children.

 

     An abuser/perpetrator may not view their behavior as harmful. They may be unclear of (more…)

April 24, 2009

Characteristics of healthy families

CAROLYN’S COMPOSITIONS

CHARACTERISTICS OF HEALTHY FAMILIES

 

 

     April is National Child Abuse Prevention Month. (to view photo click on: http://www.flickr.com/photos/carolyncholland/3412621389/). I will be continuing my posts on child abuse and domestic violence throughout the month. Please be there for children whom you suspect are being abused. Sometimes, all you can do is hold out a loving hand and pray for them.

     This post is part of a continuing series about child abuse and parenting. At the end of this article are links to the other posts on this subject. If the links do not work, go to www.carolyncholland.wordpress.com , click on the folder CHILD ABUSE or the folder DOMESTIC VIOLENCE, and scroll down the posts to find answers to your questions.

 

     All the media coverage makes dysfunctional families easy to detect. But what markers identify healthy families? Why do some families “make it” while others do not?

     No family is completely healthy. Nor is any family completely unhealthy. Rather, they fall on a continuum, able to move in either direction toward health or dysfunction. Healthy families have traits more on the healthy end of the continuum. What are these traits?

     First, healthy families tend to (more…)

April 23, 2009

How to plan to escape from a domestic violence situation

CAROLYN’S COMPOSITIONS

HOW TO PLAN TO ESCAPE

FROM A

DOMESTIC VIOLENCE ABUSE SITUATION

(learn the signs of domestic violence: http://www.wcspittsburgh.org/page.aspx?pid=354

to read about Spiritual Obstacles to Leaving Abuse click on http://www.hiddenhurt.co.uk/spiritual_obstacles_to_leaving_abuse.html )

      Escaping an abuse situation can be dangerous. The first days, weeks, months, after leaving are the most dangerous days in the relationship. My husband, Monte, a pastor, buried one young woman whose ex-boyfriend returned and gunned down both her and her new boyfriend within weeks of their separation.

     A viable plan is necessary. The steps below need to be carried out cautiously to prevent their detection.

     First, familiarize yourself as best possible with domestic violence services in your community, especially the (more…)

April 20, 2009

Hope for Victims of Domestic Violence

CAROLYN’S COMPOSITIONS

HOPE FOR THE VICTIM OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE

 

 

This post is part of a continuing series about child abuse and parenting. At the end of this article are links to the other posts on this subject. If the links do not work, go to www.carolyncholland.wordpress.com , click on the folder CHILD ABUSE, and scroll down the posts to find answers to your questions. Some applicable devotions will be filed in the DEVOTIONS folder.

 

     Although abuse victims learn to accept their worthlessness, there is hope for those who are caught in abusive lifestyles and for adults suffering the effects of childhood abuse, even though remnant effects of the abuse may never leave. The cycle of abuse can be broken—in your own life and in your children’s lives. Abusiveness is learned behavior. As such, it can be (more…)

April 17, 2009

Breaking the Cycle of Abuse: A Devotion

CAROLYN’S COMPOSITONS

BREAKING THE CYCLE OF ABUSE: A DEVOTION

 

SCRIPTURE: Ephesians 25 instructs husbands to “love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church…Christ gave himself for it….men ought to love their wives as their own bodies…two shall be one flesh.”

 

DEVOTION: I have pictures in my files of bruises given to women by their husbands. How could this be if the men loved their wives they way Christ loved the church, as they loved their own bodies, and if they were one flesh? How is it that a spouse will (more…)

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