CAROLYN’S COMPOSITIONS
PREACH CHRISTIAN PRINCIPLES TO AN ABUSE VICTIM????
Recent statistics confirm former research that one in three (or four) women will experience abuse, even sexual assault, in their lifetime— many being victims of child sexual abuse. Studies also confirm that one in four women are victims of domestic violence.
Church congregations include many of these women, who come bearing the effects of their traumatic, destructive, life experiences. Often, dare I say mostly, the pastor is unaware of their congregant’s experiences, their secrets. And the pastor, rightly, preaches his message according to Biblical principles.
Below are five situations that are common in church congregations:
- Becky was raped by her father when she was eight years old.
- Judy was molested by the church organist when she was nine.
- Mary’s teenage brother played doctor with her at age five.
- Alice is adopted. Her biological mother gave birth to her out of wedlock.
- Barb escaped a physically and emotionally abusive husband through divorce.
What are the messages that these women hear preached, not only from the pulpit, but throughout the church? Typically they emphasize the following:
- to remain sexually pure until marriage—sex is only to be between wedded husband and wife.
- that the offspring of a sinful relationship, a relationship between two unwedded persons, is a bastard, illegitimate (there is actually an adoption website named bastard)
- that marriage vows state ‘til death you do part
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(to read about Spiritual Obstacles to Leaving Abuse click on http://www.hiddenhurt.co.uk/spiritual_obstacles_to_leaving_abuse.html )
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From the perspective of the congregant, whether a teenager or an adult, the traditional message only increases their shame, guilt, (more…)
Breaking a Confidence to Protect a Friend
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CAROLYN’S COMPOSITIONS
BREAKING A CONFIDENCE TO PROTECT A FRIEND
When is it OK to break a confidence? My teenage daughter Sandy was confronted with this dilemma when her friend was at risk in an abusive relationship.
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One day, my teenage daughter Sandy sadly confessed that she had to break a friend’s confidence. Her friend, Tracy, trapped in an abusive relationship that she didn’t know how to free herself from. While sharing her difficulties with Sandy over the months Tracy always instructed Sandy not to say anything to anybody.
But the burden became too heavy for Sandy, who believed that her friend was in real danger. She reluctantly shared pertinent details of Tracy’s story with me, all the while feeling like a traitor.
As we helped Tracy out of her situation I told Tracy that Sandy felt she had betrayed her. Tracy’s response surprised us: “I told Sandy because I knew she would tell you.”
Sometimes, what someone says is the opposite of what he or she means. Abuse victims often send hidden cries for help. Identifying the real message (more…)