September 20, 2011

A House Frau Loses the Soap All My Children



A Skit

     Hi y’all. Surprised?

     I entered the “stage” dressed in my maroon, faux fur robe and tan faux leather slippers. My head was encircled with a tan tie that had white polka-dots. I was carrying a dark olive green coverlet, a romance book, a corked partially-full bottle of white wine, and a folded-up lounge lawn chair.

     You usually see me dressed nicely, but this is my typical look.

     I tried to open up the chair, but it was contorted and wouldn’t cooperate. A kind man in the audience fixed it for me, before I fell into it, raising the bottle in the air.

     I bet you thought I was always working. Boy, do I have you fooled.

     I nested into the lounge chair, spreading the blanket over my lap. The kind man pulled it over my feet as I looked around.

     What? No TV????

     Actually, I’m just your typical house-frau, laying on my living room couch in my bathrobe, eating chocolate covered cherries or bon-bons, reading my magazine, slurping wine…

     I uncorked the bottle of wine, tilted it toward my mouth and slurped a sip.

     …while I watch soap operas all day.

Typical soap opera watching house frau

     And now I am so upset. Have you heard? They’re canceling my favorite soap opera! This week! I’ve been watching All My Children for forty-one years. You see, it began in May of 1970. I remember the date because that was time of the arrival of my first child, my daughter, Sandra. Sandy, are you out there????

     Don’t mean to embarrass you dear.

     I looked around a minute, finally spotting Sandy. I turned toward the others in the audience.

     Isn’t she a cutie?

     I began watching the program because they initially had an adoption story line. It fit right in with my family, with our adoption of Sandy.

     Anyway, I’m not only angry at the fact that they’re stealing my soap opera from me. I’m upset that the last program is this Friday. Yep. At 1:00 p. m., to be precise.

     And guess where I have to be? I have to be at the Coffee Bean Café. At the Beanery Writers Group meeting.

     I facilitate the Beanery Writers Group, which meets in Latrobe, Pennsylvania the second and fourth Fridays of each month.  

     Am I supposed to miss that last program? How’d they get scheduled on the same day? I’ve considered skipping the meeting so I cam be at home to say goodbye to everyone on All My Children. I especially want to say good bye to Erica Kane, who has starred in the program since its inception.

     Then there’s J. R. Martinez, an Iraqi veteran who was burned over forty per cent of his body while serving in the military. He’s had thirty-three surgeries. He lost most of the hair on his head and one of his ears. However, I’ll still see him on television, but not in a soap opera—he tied for the top spot with the judges on Dancing With the Stars last night. Did you see the dancers last night? It was the introduction of the thirteenth season of the program. Everyone vote for J. R. so he can win.

     But I don’t know where I will see Debbi Morgan, who plays Dr. Angie Hubbard. In January, she began a battle with Lyme disease*.

     I turned towards Beanery Writers Group member Joe. He has filled in for me at the times I haven’t been able to attend meetings.

     Joe, you don’t need me there, do you? Can’t you get along without me? After all, I have a show to watch…and chocolate covered cherries to eat…and wine to imbibe…

     I tip the bottle again and slurp another sip of wine.

     I looked around the audience, providing a pregnant pause. Then I get up, gather my coverlet to me, pick up my romance novel, grab the bottle of wine and begin to exit the stage. As I leave, toss the following words over my shoulder

     But any of you who are at that meeting…don’t be surprised if I’ am surly and short-tempered. Just put up with it. After all, soap operas only have one death date. And Friday is that date for All My Children.


     At the end of the skit, there was a spontaneous vote on whether I should atttend the writers group meeting or stay home and watch the final episode of All My Children. The result: stay home!


     Perhaps I will attend the meeting and watch the final episode on Soapnet at eight o’clock Friday evening. It won’t be the same, but at least I won’t miss it.

     Hey, I just discovered (although I knew about) the ability to view episodes of All My Children on the Internet:

*Ticks spread Lyme disease to both dogs and humans



“All My Children:” Susan Lucci & Erica Kane

All My Children & Dancing With The Stars

We’re Adopting a Baby! Part 1

Chad Eric Smith in Movie Black Kerchief

Adoptees are Everywhere

A Beanery Writers Group Story in Photographs


1 Comment »

  1. !!!HOW FUN… CAROLYN !!!!!!!!!

    Comment by Joan — September 25, 2011 @ 1:14 pm | Reply

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