CAROLYN'S COMPOSITIONS

April 29, 2009

Characteristics of and lures used by child molesters


CAROLYN’S COMPOSITIONS

CHARACTERISTICS OF AND LURES USED BY CHILD MOLESTORS

 

 

     April is National Child Abuse Prevention Month. (to view photo click on: http://www.flickr.com/photos/carolyncholland/3412621389/). I will be continuing my posts on child abuse and domestic violence throughout the month. Please be there for children whom you suspect are being abused. Sometimes, all you can do is hold out a loving hand and pray for them.

     This post is part of a continuing series about child abuse and parenting. At the end of this article are links to the other posts on this subject. If the links do not work, go to www.carolyncholland.wordpress.com , click on the folder CHILD ABUSE or the folder DOMESTIC VIOLENCE, and scroll down the posts to find answers to your questions.

 

     It is essential for a parent to know the characteristics of a child sexual abuser in order to protect their child. It is equally important to understand how perpetrators lure children into their web of harm, and to teach their child how to identify danger and respond to it, and most importantly, to report it to a safe person.

     However, if adults can be fooled, how much easier is it to fool a child. Parents need to be knowledgeable and continually alert to the dangers around their children.

 

     An abuser/perpetrator may not view their behavior as harmful. They may be unclear of how little basis such conduct has in Christian truth. Needless unjustifiable pain may be inflicted party as a result of fuzzy Christian or parenting thinking, or even from a lack of proper education.

    

     We prefer to picture child molesters as weird strangers, “dirty old men wearing raincoats.”

     In fact, most perpetrators are known to both the victim and his/her family. S/he may be a well-respected member of the community, at any level of the social spectrum culturally, economically, or sexually. Sometimes the molestation occurs during a family gathering, amidst relatives and friends. The child may be sitting on the perpetrator’s lap, covered by a blanket.

     In one community we lived in, one of the community’s “beloved sons” was convicted of molesting children during their piano lessons. He was a music teacher in a middle school. He was also a pillar of the church, where he was the organist. In the same community, a couple of years after we moved, a church pastor sacrificed his position because he was guilty of sexually abusing older teenagers.

     Women or men can be perpetrators; girls or boys can be victims. Incidents occur in what people consider safe places: homes, school, church.

     Usually molesters are not seeking sexual gratification, but fulfillment of other needs.

     Child molesters tend to relate better with children than adults. They ingratiate themselves in toe community; are charming, likable; seek positions working with children. Eighty per cent were molested as children.

     On discovery, they react surprised, shocked. Their denial is often believed and defended by relatives and community members. The church organist’s charges pitted person against person in that small town.

     Perpetrators of child molestation justify themselves: they care more about children than do the parents; the child is blamed: s/he was seductive, promiscuous. A story is fabricated on the situation. They claim mental illness or drugs.

     A “nice guy” routine is presented, with claims of regret, crying, a role as the pillar of the community. They present themselves as the victim, changing the issue from the molestation to themselves. The church organist stood in front of his church congregation, stating that the charges were misunderstood, that children can, and do, make untrue accusations. His speech was video-taped with his permission.

     Finally, they may plead guilty but not guilty. The perpetrator had no choice but to plead guilty, even in their innocence, but the don’t want the victims to “go through this (a trial).”

     Perpetrators have deep wounds that need to be healed. We tend to treat our children the way our parents treated us; likewise, our children learn parenting by the way we parent them. However, this should not stop action to prevent further molestation activity!

     Becoming aware of our own childhood care allows us to choose what to hold on to and what to change. Care must be taken not to change a negative parenting style to the opposite extreme. Often parents, recalling their childhood abuse, refuse to discipline their own children, fearing they will hurt them. Thus, their children become unmanageable due to the lack of any discipline, the extreme response to abusive “punishment.”

     Extremes are harmful. The appropriate path to follow is re-education, learning how to discipline with out being abusive. Attempt to find the center between the extremes.

 

PARENTING TIPS

 

     Be aware of the tricks that sex offenders use. Teach your child how to protect him/herself and to tell you if he is approached. Below are some of the lures used by perpetrators.

 

AFFECTION/LOVE LURE:

Usually used by someone the child knows, trusts and loves.

*Question the motive of an adult with a high interest in your child, wanting to spend time alone with the child. Participate in your child’s activities.

 

ASSISTANCE LURE:

This is common. It includes asking for help carrying packages or finding a lost pet.

*Instruct the child that adults should ask adults for help; to move out of reach of the adult; to run; to scream for help.

 

AUTHORITY LURE: 

This takes advantage of the child’s respect for authority. A molester dresses like police, clergy, etc.

*Teach you child that badges/IDs can be fake; have an adult check the credentials. Even adults with legitimate authority have no rights to a child’s body.

 

BRIBERY LURE:

An adult offers your child candy, toys, bikes, radios, electronics, etc.

*Tell the child not to take gifts  from strangers; be alert to new items that the child has that you can’t account for.

 

EMERGENCY LURE:

Mom was rushed to the hospital: come with me.

*Preset a code word with your child; call/hurry home to verify the information; seek help from someone you know.

 

PORNOGRAPHY LURE:

A gradual introduction to pornographic pictures, cartoons, used to rouse a child and destroy his inhibitions. Keep your own home free from porn; teach the child to leave the person and/or place when shown porn.

 

ADDITIONAL READING:

CHILD ABUSE SERIES—

CHILD ABUSE DEFINITIONS

TYPES OF ABUSE

CHILD ABUSE AND SCRIPTURE

ARE YOU PUNISHING OR DISCIPLINING YOUR CHILD?

CHARACTERISTICS OF ABUSIVE FAMILIES

CHILD ABUSE CREATES VICTIMIZATION

The Cycle of Abuse in Domestic Violence

Hope for Victims of Domestic Violence

How to plan to escape from a domestic violence situation

Characteristics of healthy families

DEVOTIONS ON ABUSE—

Fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath

THOSE WHO DO EVIL HAVE NOT SEEN GOD: A Devotion on Child Abuse

And who will reach the downtrodden? Lent Devotion #18

Breaking the Cycle of Abuse: A Devotion

Survivor’s Guilt Lent Devotion #25

ARTICLES ON ABUSE—

WILL YOU LOVE ME TO DEATH?

SHOULD INFORMATION ON AN ALLEGED CHILD ABUSER BE PUBLICIZED?

WILL YOU LOVE ME TO DEATH?

BUTLER STREET

BEYOND THE ROCK

DUST MOTE

THOUGHTS FOR DAVID

REACH OUT

A PIECE OF ME

THE WELL-ADJUSTED CHILD

CHILDREN LEFT HOME ALONE (or in cars alone)

ANOTHER HORRIFYING HEADLINE

KILLED STRANGELY: A NEW ENGLAND MURDER STORY

THE HOLOCAUST STORY OF A TEENAGE VICTIM (Part 1)

MY HAPPY PLACE

VOICES OF WILDERNESS: PEACE MEETING

DOES EXAGGERATING THE TRUTH CREATE GOOD STORIES?

SITE LINKS:

www.beanerywriters.wordpress.com/

www.carolyncholland.wordpress.com

www.barbarapurbaugh.com

www.pennwriters.com

ellenspain.com

http://ligonierliving.blogspot.com/

http://www.methodists-care.org/

1 Comment »

  1. Your style is unique compared to other folks I have read stuff from.
    Many thanks for posting when you’ve got the opportunity, Guess I’ll just book
    mark this page.

    Comment by press — September 21, 2013 @ 2:20 am | Reply


RSS feed for comments on this post. TrackBack URI

What is your opinion?

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

Blog at WordPress.com.

%d bloggers like this: