CAROLYN'S COMPOSITIONS

December 12, 2008

Dear SANTA from COCHRAN


COCHRAN’S SHENANIGANS

Dear SANTA from COCHRAN

Written by Cochran Cornell the cantankerous cockroach. If you haven’t met him yet click on HI! I’M COCHRAN! NICE TO MEET Y’ALL! (in the  folder Cochran’s Shenanigans (in the category list on this blog) for an introduction and to read more of his articles.

NOTE: Cochran used some pretty unusual words in his letter to Santa. Perhaps the cockroach is attempting to challenge human beings. Strange words (starred) are defined at the end of the letter. This was Cochran’s letter to Santa in 2007. Watch for his 2008 letter.

Dear Santa,
     I cannot believe I’m stooping so low as to write to you, a round belly fat guy claiming to deliver gifts to all the children in the world in a reindeer-driven sIeigh. To add insult to injury, we are expected to believe you climb into homes via the chimney and eat cookies and milk at each place. No wonder your belly is so huge! My mentor Carolyn told me I shouldn’t write this list, but what does she know? And whenever do I listen to her anyway?
     In recognition of the fact that you cannot fill every child’s Christmas wish list, much less address the needs of the least of your creations, I’m submitting this letter to you. I’ll bet you not only ignore it but you’ll crumble it into the trash can in your workshop! Oh, you wouldn’t dare let the world know you filled the wish list of a cockroach! Oh well, here goes anyway. First, I want something that will crush all those with a cabala* caballing* against me and my ilk, especially the canty*, cocky exterminators filled with chutzpah*.
     Second send me a container filled with a cache of cruddy* cates*. Mind you, I’m not fussy, but rotten is best—and I personally have some favorites, like cowflops*; a smudge of cutlet* grease, lamb preferred; caulk residue; curdled cream; stale cupcake and crumpet crumbs; moldy chevre*, all kinds of celebration leftovers—well, if you aren’t chaffy*, you get the idea!
     Third, a carroch* ride to a cruise to a charnel* with lots of coffins (not a cenotaph*) with rotten corpses would be my idea of luxury. And oh, what ever else might be in the coffins that those foolish persons expected to take with them on their demise! Fourth, I’m desperate for an idea for tricking my crony, A’nonniemouse (I’ll tell you about him later). My mentor, Carolyn, cannot think of even one prank I can pull on that pal of mine this year. She’s truly brain-stressed.
     Fifth, I need some SELF-ESTEEM. Yeah, that’s right. Who appreciates my ilk—crude crumbums, crud-carriers of the world? All humans want to do is CRUSH us cockroaches. I won’t have it! Santa, help, you may be my last hope (I cannot believe I am pleading with a mythological creation!)
     I may add more to this list later, but for now, this is it. And yes, Santa, I earned a crown for goodness this year. I implore you to ignore the comments at the beginning of this letter. The devil made me write them. You mustn’t forget me!
     And this is the way I conceive it, I’m a cantankerous and crazy cockroach who will write more later, but Doodleoot for now. Cochran

STRANGE WORDS as defined in the Official Scrabble Players Dictionary: Cabala-an occult or secret doctrine; caballing-to conspire; canty-cheerful; chutzpah-supreme self confidence; cruddy-filthy; cates-a choice of food; cowflops-cow patties, er,g., dung; cutlet-a slice of meat; chevre-a cheese made from goat’s milk; chaffy-worthless’ carroch-a stately carriage; charnel-a room where corpses are kept; cenotaph-an empty tomb

ADDITIONAL READING:

For Christmas

SANTAS, MRS. SANTAS, ELVES & REINDEER WANTED: Please apply—Application #1

Dear SANTA from COCHRAN

(SANTA) SUED FOR NON-SUPPORT

By Cochran

HI! I’M COCHRAN! NICE TO MEET Y’ALL!

DEAR A’NONNIEMOUSE FROM COCHRAN (COCKROACH)

ARCHIE & MEHITIBLE

Other

SHORT TRIP FROM SEATTLE, WASHINGTON To Ligonier, PA

THE SPECTACULAR PENOBSCOT RIVER A Natural Wonder in Maine: Part 1

QUINTESSENCE

THOUGHTS FOR DAVID

JUST ANOTHER WEEKEND IN PARADISE

ALL SUMMER IN A DAY: The Use of Descriptive Language

GEORGE D. SHUMAN: Author of “18 SECONDS” & “LAST BREATH” Part 1

KILLED STRANGELY: A NEW ENGLAND MURDER STORY

SHOULD INFORMATION ON AN ALLEGED CHILD ABUSER BE PUBLICIZED?

DRESSING FOR BLESSING: GOD AND FASHION Part 2

FERAL BIRDS: THE LATEST COMMUNITY HAZARD

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