Bear Attack Tales With a Tinge of Humor

CAROLYN’S COMPOSITIONS

BEAR ATTACK TALES WITH A TINGE OF HUMOR

     Picture this: You’re in deep in a heavily wooded forest campground in Canada’s backcountry. You find it necessary to use the outhouse, and can’t resist leaving the door open to admire the view while taking care of your business—after all, you are super isolated.

     You sit on the throne, your feet are sort of up on the ‘poopstool,’ when a black bear charges in.²

     Unbelievable?

     Not according to Gord Shurvell, 65, of Winnipeg, Canada. The story was reported on the Canadian Broadcasting Company station out of Kingston, Canada and in a May 24, 2012, newspaper report (while my husband and I were in Heuvelton, New York, near the St. Lawrence River). 

     “So I’m kicking at him to get away, but he grabbed my pants that were down around my ankles… and he just kept coming.”

     The hulking beast got ahold of the retired train conductor’s neck and dragged him from the outhouse for about 50 feet, while he screamed for his life.

     “I knew what was going to happen, so I slowly took my face down and buried it right in the muskeg [boggy soil], because I’m waiting…

     His camping buddy, Daniel Alexander, heard his cries, came running to the rescue armed with a rifle, and shot the bear in the head, killing it.

     “Bang. And I felt the bear fall off me,” Gord said.²

^~~~~~~~~~~~~

     There have been numerous other black bear (Ursus americanus) attacks in Canada since 2005. Picture the following two³:

• Sept. 8, 2008: Reg MacDonald…was riding his motorbike when a bear jumped on his bike and sent him flying through the

A Fish Tongue Twister…

CAROLYN’S COMPOSITIONS

A FISH TONGUE TWISTER…

(Happy Eleventh Birthday, Dawson!)

Good poetry aside, you might say “fins find fantastic food five times a day.”*

I took on the challenge, as a writer, to improve the poetry, although my genre is not poetry. However, the thought of creating a tongue twister is irresistible.

The initial poetry was excerpted from the article, 50,0000 King Salmon Come to Sodus Bay. The bay is located on Lake Ontario somewhere near Rochester, New York, according to my husband Monte. It was being stocked with fish to entertain sportsmen.

The wind was gusting at 40 mph and there was a brief white-out from some lake effect snow. Not the typical conditions for April 21^st, however the 50,000 kings delivered to Sodus Bay appeared to be content as they were transferred from hatchery truck to net pens.

I wonder—how can you tell if a fish is content or not? I’ve visited the spillway at the Linesville State Fish Hatchery in Linesville, Pennsylvania, on Lake Pymatuning. The carp were several layers thick—thick enough that ducks walk on their backs. People stop to ogle them. Many feed them scraps of bread, torn from week-old loaves purchased cheaply at a shed, so they can watch them hungrily battle for their morsels. Somehow it reminds me of the concentration camps of World War II. This doesn’t speak of content to me.

Water temperature is critical to the transfer and Sodus Bay registered 43 degrees, while hatchery truck was 39 degrees…within the 10 degree window preferred by New York State Department of Environmental Conservation (DEC) biologists.

…Actually, they don’t have a complete set of fins. The rear dorsal has been clipped for future surveys. Biologists will use this information to see how far the salmon roam. But…they will have a steady meal, eating fish pellets five times a day.

Manna became boring to the Israelites. Do fish pellets become boring to the salmon? Maybe they, like the fish in Linesville, jump for morsels of bread to brighten up their diet.

Anyway, I digress. The point is to improve on the tongue twister:

Fish fins find fantastic food five

Streaming Bear Video and Bear Stories

CAROLYN’S COMPOSITIONS

STREAMING BEAR VIDEO AND BEAR STORIES

Southwestern Pennsylvania has a hidden jewel.

Pun intended.

     An Export (PA)-based company, PixController, Inc., placed a web-cam inside the den of a wild female black bear in Ely, Minnesota. It documents mama bear Jewel and her two cubs, born January 22, 2012. They can be viewed live on the Internet at www.bear.org , a site well worth a visit—I had the video streaming on my computer while working March 27^th, and it was quite a distraction. Naturally, I took several photographs while watching.

     In 2008 PixController, Inc.’s, founder, Bill Powers, placed a web-cam inside the den of black bear Lily. It caught her birthing three cubs. This was the first time in history that a webcam has been placed inside the den of a wild, female, black bear in hopes of capturing a live birth.*

BEARS ALONG BRADDOCK’S TRAIL ON THE FRONTIER

     Not everyone considers black bears cute. They were a source of food and fur for American frontiersmen. Many bear stories are hidden in old books, letters, and manuscripts

     One illustration comes from the The Journal of Captain Robert Cholmley^s Batman. The Captain was part of a Braddock’s Trail expedition. The year is not identified here.

Wedensday June the 4th. We halted by the River Lorel [Laurel Hill Creek] and after Receiving Provisions and Couking a party went to work and a Covering party Along with them to guarde them. This day our Hunter went a Shouting [shooting] and Brought home a Bear and killed a Wolf and followed a Panter Better then 6 miles but did not get him.

Thursday June the 5th. We marched to the little Meadows (Near Fort Necessity in Pennsylvania), it being 4 miles, very Bad Roads Over Rocks and Mountains almost unpassable. We was ten hours in marching it. This day our hunter Shot us

A Pig’s Eye View of National Pig Day

CAROLYN’S COMPOSITIONS

A PIG’S EYE VIEW ON NATIONAL PIG DAY

Anonymous Pig Activist

~~~~~~~~~~~~

A PIG ACTIVIST’S PLEA

Whatever you humans do today, March 1, 2012, DO NOT eat at Cici’s Pizza. Instead, initiate a boycott against the restaurant.

Why? Because Cici’s not only offers pork toppings on its pizza—a singular crime worthy of boycott—but its current special is HOG PIZZA.

March 1 is NATIONAL PIG DAY.

 If you must dine at Cici’s order their other special: chicken wings. Even though they charge extra for this delicacy, keep in mind that it will not only reduce Cici’s assault on our ilk—it will reduce the number of our food competitors.

Remember, UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES should you order HOG PIZZA!

…Anonymous Pig Activist

ABOUT NATIONAL PIG DAY

     Today is a landmark day, a day set aside to celebrate our ilk, a day to begin a whole new dietary regimen for humans.

     Today is the fortieth National Pig Day.

     On this anniversary I’d like to honor the two sisters, Mary Lynne Rave (North Carolina) and Ellen Stanley (Texas), who initiated National Pig Day in 1972*. 

     Rave wanted to accord to (us) pigs (our) rightful, though generally unrecognized, place as

The Flamingo, A Pizza, and a Big Bad Dragon

THE FLAMINGO, A PIZZA, AND A BIG BAD DRAGON

Five children including Vince and Marcus

 Recorder: Carolyn Cornell Holland

While at the Edwin and Gertrude Stevenson family reunion in DeKalb Junction, New York, five children gathered and wrote the following story—in response to a group of funny hats: a flamingo, a pizza, and a dragon. Here is their creation:

     Once upon a time there was a flamingo with a pizza. Then a big bad dragon appeared.

     The dragon turned on the radio really loud, into the flamingo’s ears. It hurt the flamingo’s ears. The flamingo went to the doctor. The doctor saw pizza dough in the flamingo’s ear. He took it out and made a pizza out of it. He fed the pizza to the flamingo.

     The flamingo said he liked the pizza. He ate it right it right up. But before the flamingo could finish it the dragon

Black Cats: Good Luck, Bad Luck

 

CAROLYN’S COMPOSITIONS

BLACK CATS: GOOD LUCK—BAD LUCK

     Joe is an argument for keeping cats indoors—at least, at this spooky time of year that is filled with superstitions.

     He is a gorgeous animal. His soft, shiny black fur coat is as pleasant as his personality.

      He is my daughter’s cat.

Joe

     Black, it seems to me, is a schizophrenic color.

     On the one hand, if I want to appear elegant, powerful, mysterious, or formal—or all three—I can slip into a little black dress or suit to attain that appearance.

     On the other hand, if I want to appear evil, grieving, fearful, the use of black will send that message.

     Black, in either circumstance, presents a strong front.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

     Actually, black is not

Mother Nature’s Creatures Predict Winter Weather

CAROLYN’S COMPOSITIONS

MOTHER NATURE’S CREATURES

PREDICT WINTER WEATHER

     A couple of weeks ago I spent a Sunday doing laundry. As I explained to my husband, if we are functioning according to Mother Nature’s dryer (the sun), and Mother Nature only provides that dryer on a Sunday, then, unfortunately, we end up doing laundry on the Lord’s Day.

     In today’s world meteorologists make use of complicated equipment, such as satellites, to forecast the weather.

     Even before this equipment was developed people had an interest in the weather. This included (and is) farmers, sailors and others, whose livelihood depended on it.

     Mother Nature provides signals used by many persons to predict upcoming weather. Today we celebrate some of these signals. Most notably, here in Pennsylvania, is Punxsutawney Phil, a groundhog who predicts the weather for the final six weeks of the winter season.

     On the opposite end of the spectrum is the

Wooly Worms Predict the 2011 PA. Winter Weather

CAROLYN’S COMPOSITIONS

PREDICTING THE 2011 PENNSYLVANIA WINTER:

Wooly Worms

     I have yet to see one. Perhaps it’s because of the rainy, wet, beginning of the autumn season. Whatever, I’ve been looking for them. After all, it will be nice to know what snows and storms Mother Nature will deliver between December and April.

     What I’m looking for is the wooly worm, an autumnal predictor of the next season’s severity. The woolly bear is a fuzzy larva of the tiger moth found in the Midwest and Northeast.* It is the antithesis of Punxsutawney Phil, who predicts the final six weeks of winter. The wooly worm predicts the severity of the winter season:

•  The way to “read a caterpillar” is: the smaller the brownish-red bands are the harsher the winter will be. The black stripes indicate

Annual Labor Day Picnic is a Dog’s Delight

CAROLYN’S COMPOSITIONS

ANNUAL LABOR DAY PICNIC IS A DOG’S DELIGHT

     Today, September 4, 2011, my husband Monte walked the path through the woods to my son-in-law’s Annual day-before-Labor-Day Picnic. 

 

     It was hot and humid as Michael prepared barbecued ribs (using three different barbeque sauces) on the grill. Unfortunately, by the time he grilled the hamburgers and hot dogs, the ribs had been gobbled down by the guests and he didn’t get any. 

 

     Michael and Sandy’s dog, Cocoa (a chocolate Labrador retriever), couldn’t get enough water so granddaughter Jordan tried to quench his thirst:

     By mid-afternoon picnickers were forced into the garage by a

Dog Stories I Told at the Café

CAROLYN’S COMPOSITIONS

DOG STORIES I TOLD AT THE CAFÉ

While at a local cafe’ my friend and another patron were exchanging dog stories. The following is my contribution to the conversation. The first part of the conversation can be read by clicking on Dog Stories I Heard at the Café

     My friend whom I’ll call Vivian turned to me and said “If you had a pet, you could tell a story too.”

     “I had a Border collie at one time,” I said. “I have stories too.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~

     “We acquired Tagalong when her owners needed a place for her while they took an extended trip to Europe,” I said. “Shortly, we were presented with three puppies. We weren’t certain whether she came to us pregnant, or whether she had had an immediate tryst with one of our neighbor’s dogs.

     One of the pups was gorgeous He was adopted by my mother, who loved him dearly.

~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

     “For some reason we didn’t know she didn’t like delivery men, especially the UPS drivers. We had to protect them from her.

     “One time I had to stop her from attacking the mother (I’ll call her Amy) of one of my child care home children. On a bitter, cold winter morning three-year-old Christine decided to