To Tell or Not to Tell

CAROLYN’S COMPOSITIONS

TO TELL OR NOT TO TELL

     While in Heuvelton, New York, recently, the only television we had was the Canadian Broadcasting Company from Kingston, across the St. Lawrence River. We’d cancelled the cable television, and Canada hasn’t changed to analog.

     One program had a segment called To Tell or Not To Tell. A question was raised and the audience voted—with placards—whether to tell or not to tell. The expert would agree or not, and explain her reasoning. Don’t tell someone the person they are dating isn’t right for them. Do tell your friend if you saw her husband on an Internet dating site or going into a motel room with another.

     I wondered what the audience and the expert would say if confronted with my situation.

     The thin ribbon of smoke held two small clues—a statement by a relative and a

My Mother’s Special 90th Birthday Gift

CAROLYN’S COMPOSITIONS

MY MOTHER’S SPECIAL 90^TH BIRTHDAY GIFT

Nancy Briskay

Mom,

     Happy 90^th birthday!

     Were you still here with us I would wish you a happy birthday in person.

     I (along with some of my siblings) would also present you with a gift, a very special gift, yet one which I’m not certain how you’d receive. Your gift was sixty-three years in the making.

     The gift: all

CHRISTMAS LETTER: 2011

CAROLYN’S COMPOSITIONS

CHRISTMAS LETTER: 2011

with Monte W. Holland

MERRY 2011 CHRISTMAS & HAPPY NEW YEAR 2012

Each year my husband Monte and I send a letter the friends we’ve made throughout the years. For many, this is an annual contact. Below is our 2011 family letter.

MONTE—It’s been a busy year. I conducted 29 worship services, mostly at three facilities for older folks. Beyond that I did manual labor.  At my age busy means working not much more than five hours in a day and resting one day in between. I replaced part of the roof on our home and one-third of the roof on the apartment building (about a total of 16 square, if one is counting).

     In July we traveled to Northern New York for my family reunion and to help my brother Elwin set up a schedule of round-the-clock in-home caregivers. I’m really pleased that we have good help and he seems quite content at 91 years old. I take care of the payroll from here.

     In June we went to Lakeside, Ohio and shared a condo with our son Nolan’s family while he

Action Needed to Schedule a PA. HB 963 Hearing: Adoption

CAROLYN’S COMPOSITIONS

ACTION NEEDED TO SCHEDULE A

PENNSYLVANIA HB 963 HEARING: ADOPTION

     Few things are more controversial than the issue of adoptees seeking the identity of their birth parents or birth parents seeking the welfare of the children they released for adoption. And with good reason. Major issues are involved—psychological, emotional, social, medical—and finding, or not finding, bio-relatives can be wither very positive or very negative.

     Both sides of the issue have valid arguments. Adoptees tell of having a part of their being that is missing, and of wanting medical and family information. Bio-parents often released their children under the confines of total privacy.

     However, many adoptees and bio-parents are seeking information, as evidenced by the high number of places they can register, hoping that their “other half” has also registered at the same site.

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     Last January Darlene, a woman outside Chicago, accessed her original birth certificate—her birth and adoption had occurred in an open adoption records state. Her daughter plugged the names into the computer and they immediately discovered my blog site. In this case scenario, the mother’s name was unique—a singular name in the country.

     As it turned out, Darlene was released for adoption by my mother.

     My husband wanted to travel to Chicago for a wrestling match and to see his alma mater campus. We stayed at Darlene’s home for five nights. It was a positive experience for both of us.

     I recognize that many experiences are not positive. However, many adoptees I speak with, who are concerned about finding out negative history, acknowledge that

Adoptees are Everywhere

CAROLYN’S COMPOSITIONS

ADOPTEES ARE EVERYWHERE

“I just had a similar experience,” the young woman told me.

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     My husband Monte, our friend Lois, and I were at a reception following a Pittsburgh Symphony Chamber Orchestra presentation at Indiana State University of Pennsylvania. While standing in the treats line I asked a young couple if they were students.

     “I am,” said the young man, who was studying hotel management with a future goal of opening a European-style bakery.

     “There’s just not too much demand for that in this area,” he said.

     “Have you been to Europe to visit bakeries?” I asked.

     “Not yet.”

     “What country would you like to visit most?”

     He hesitated a moment before answering “France.”

     “If you’re ever in Paris, you must visit the le Procope Café. It’s the oldest longest continually running café in France. I’ve never been there, but I’ve researched it because I intend to use it in a scene in the novel I’m writing. In fact, several people have sent me pictures of the café.”

     That’s when the girl entered the conversation. She wasn’t a student, but had graduated and was out working.

     “You’re a writer? How long have you been

Fostering Unwed Mothers Who Have an Adoption Plan

CAROLYN’S COMPOSITIONS

FOSTERING UNWED MOTHERS

WHO HAVE AN ADOPTION PLAN

     While living in Atlanta, Georgia, our family decided to use our “fourth bedroom” to unwed mothers planning to release their children for adoption. This is the story of one pregnant-out-of-wedlock foster child.

     The trees were fleshing out with their springtime greens when Beth joined our household for a short time.

     We—my husband, our daughter, our son, and myself— lived in a megalopolis suburb, surviving on a “shoestring” budget while my husband attended seminary. We were fortunate in renting a house with a fourth bedroom, which the landlord gave us permission to rent. But to what use could this room be put?

     In the past, I’d been involved in adoption casework. It was rewarding dealing with the adoption triad: the unwed mother, the adoptive parents and the newborn baby. It required a balancing act to come to the best resolution of the problems of all three sides of the adoption situation.

     During the time I was an adoption counselor, my husband and I were having our own adoption experience with a different agency. We were personally overjoyed at the arrival of our daughter, Sandy.

     With this background, it occurred to me that we were in an ideal position to foster parent an unwed mother planning to release her newborn for adoption.

     After researching the metro adoption agencies, we discovered this was, indeed, a very real option. The adoption agency paid room, board, expenses, and medical bills for unwed mothers who’d made their decision for adoption while pregnant. (If the mother changed her mind, she was required to reimburse the agency for any and all expenses.) It also paid us a stipend for caring for the mother.

     We gathered our family for a discussion. Sandy said

“All My Children:” Susan Lucci & Erica Kane

CAROLYN’S COMPOSITIONS

ALL MY CHILDREN: SUSAN LUCCI & ERICA KANE 

     Erica has been “the other woman” in my husband’s life for almost forty years.

     In spite of the fact that he does no more than occasionally glance at her soap opera episodes—especially now that she is entering her eleventh valid marriage—I’m sure he will miss her beauty and pizzazz.

     He’s unaware that Erica Kane will disappear from our television set after September 2011. I only caught the news as I was about to put our computer to sleep for the night: ABC network is canceling both All My Children (and One Life to Live).

     Lest you conclude that I lounge on my couch all day in my comfortable ‘jammies with my hair up in rollers, nibbling on Reese’s peanut butter cups and indulging in an array of chocolate candies while I watch soap operas, I want to tell you that neither Monte nor I are fans of these programs.

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     My memories of soaps goes back to my childhood, when my grandmother listened to Stella Dallas on the radio soap. As I grew up, graduated from high school and college, held jobs, and married, I never expected to be an avid fan of a soap opera.

     Both All My Children and my daughter, Sandy, celebrated their

While Doing Adopton Home Studies: Part 2

CAROLYN’S COMPOSITIONS

WHILE DOING ADOPTION HOME STUDIES Part II

To read the first part of this story, click on While Doing Adoption Home Studies: Part 1.

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     What does the color orange signify, I asked myself.

     I had just toured the home of a couple hoping to adopt a child from the agency where I held a part time job doing home studies. What impressed me was their use of the color orange—splashed throughout their modest home—the deep shade of pumpkin skin to the soft shade taken from an evening sunset. Orange on walls, furniture, carpets, window hangings, accents. Not unattractive, but a statement about this family.

     So what does the color orange signify? I researched the subject, and learned orange is the color of warmth. And, interestingly enough, the couple I had interviewed were warm people.

     Working for an adoption agency during the time my husband, Monte, and I were undergoing the adoption process, was a rewarding experience. I  recall several of my experiences.

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     One couple, I’ll call them Roger and Diane, were so petrified of the home study that I couldn’t get them to talk with me. I understood—after all, I was going through the same process. We viewed home study interviewers as

While Doing Adoption Home Studies: Part 1

CAROLYN’S COMPOSITIONS

WHILE DOING ADOPTION HOME STUDIES

 Part I

     My input on three adoption home studies was influential.

     My husband Monte and I had had to withdraw our application for adoption from an agency in the city where we lived because we were relocating to a new jobsite.  About a month after moving to our new community Monte and I submitted our application to a local adoption agency.

     At the same time, I responded to a classified ad seeking part-time help at an agency that needed to catch up on their adoption home studies. The job was located in an adjacent county.

     During the interview with Sonya, the agency director, I stated two conditions. First, I gave notice—when a baby was placed in our home (which could be three days or three years), I’d have to leave the position immediately, without warning. Second, I emphatically stated that I would recluse myself from

Returning to life in the past lane

CAROLYN’S COMPOSITIONS

RETURNING TO LIFE IN THE PAST LANE

     January 18, 2011. The holiday season is ended, cleaned up after, recuperated from. Winter is here wearing its glorious, pure, white coat. It’s my time of year.

     My plan: write a chapter a week in my novel, Intertwined Love, set in the 1790s. Parts of many chapters are written. Now is the time to work in consecutive order. The day bodes well as the letters hit on my keyboard form words on the current chapter—three. By the end of the day my accomplishment has energized me. I retire, looking forward to completing this chapter in perhaps less than a week.

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     January 19, 2011. After my morning coffee and my meds (I am a CAD, cardiac artery disease patient), I dress for work, and after spending a half-hour picking up the house, I sit down at the computer.

     A second good day. This week will lead me to chapter four next week. I have a feeling of accomplishment, a satisfied feeling of being on track.

     About seven o’clock in the evening I open my e-mail. There are three comments, one on each of three posts:

          HI,
          I’m not sure HOW I found you and not sure where to write this, but PLEASE CONTACT ME. My mother is adopted, and I recently helped her get her REAL birth certificate (she was denied in earlier ears) and we JUST got her REAL birth certificate…

     “Someone is spamming me,” I said to my husband, Monte, who was sitting working at his desk. I expect the next lines to read and my mother is stranded (in some remote country) and needs money to get home. Her wallet and all ids have been stolen. Send money.

     I continue reading. The message is different from what I expect. It includes