Hugs for al my friends, near and far
WP Daily Prompt 11/16/2013: FAQ—Thanksgiving Questions to Chief Tom Turkey
WORDPRESS DAILY PROMPT 11/16/2013: FAQ
AN INTERVIEW WITH CHIEF TOM TURKEY
Written by Cochran Cornell the Cantankerous Cockroach
The WordPress Daily Prompt for November 16, 2013, was FAQ—Interview someone—a friend, another blogger, your mother, the mailman—and write a post based on their responses. Being as it’s Thanksgiving and I am quite busy, I asked Cochran Cornell the Cantankerous Cockroach if he’d write this post for me.
“I guess so,” he said in a tone in which I detected a lack of enthusiasm.
“And no shenanigans,” I added. “It’s Thanksgiving, and interviewing Chief Tom Turkey is important. He doesn’t give interviews to just anybody. You might want to read about the Henningsen Cold Storage Col in Stilwell, Oklahoma, before you leave.”
“I read that article yesterday while you were reading it,” huffed Cochran.
“You don’t have to get snippy with me. Now off you go to find Chief Turkey. And I expect your article to be on my computer before I go to bed at 3:30 a. m. so I can post it at the regular time, 3:00 a. m.”
I found Chief Tom Turkey safe at a residence on the banks of the Jordan River in Lamoine, Maine, where he was keeping a low profile under the protective wing of the property owner who didn’t want to be identified.
“It’s a safe place here,” Chief Turkey said. “I’ve sent an invitation to Popcorn to join me.”
“Popcorn?” I queried.’
“Yes…he’s the lucky turkey President Obama pardoned…”
“That’s right. Every year the President pardons a turkey.”
“It’s a holiday ritual,” said Chief Turkey. “It kind of began when Abraham Lincoln saved the life of a dinner-bound turkey his son liked. Since then presidents have been given turkeys by various organizations. Usually they made a meal for the President. It was President John F. Kennedy that started the annual tradition of pardoning a turkey by not eating one, but saying ‘let’s keep him going.’”
“This company is so jammed with frozen turkeys from the likes of Butterball and Cargill that it turned down requests to store about 1 million more birds, or double its inventory…there was no room in the 3.5 million cubic feet of space…(that) usually holds as much as 20 million pounds of frozen turkeys before the Thanksgiving holiday…*
“It’s been a major concern of the turkey community for years. The Thanksgiving and Christmas holidays mark disaster for my feathered brothers and sisters. Some humans make us produce offspring and then they keep us trapped until we grow big enough for their dinner table. Last year they slaughtered so many of us that their coffers are overstuffed with our carcasses. You know, about 85 percent of the 46 million birds Americans eat at Thanksgiving meals are frozen rather than fresh…”
I asked if there was anything the turkeys could do to save the lives of their cohorts.
“We’ve formed Turkeys Unite: Reduce Killing Each Year. We’re working on convincing humans that eating turkey is not where it’s at.”
Chief Turkey said there are numerous arguments the group is putting forth to humans:
- Seek not only more Presidential pardons, but pardons from charitable organizations
- Eat more pork—pigs are despicable creatures
- Live green: Eat more beef, since this beast is a major contributor of methane gas…
Since I recall reading that cows aren’t the only animals that produce methane, I asked Chief Turkey to explain.
- Eat more geese and ducks—reduced populations will keep ponds cleaner
- Become a vegetarian
- Encourage stores to raise our prices so we cost more than the expensive cuts of other meats
- Put turkeys on the endangered list
- Reduce the demand for turkey feathers
Just then the property owner ran in and told Chief Turkey to skidaddle to his hiding place. Poachers were seen wandering in the neighborhood
He hastily cut short the interview and disappeared quicker than one of his feathers could fall to the ground.
(A NaBloPoMo post)