ARE YOU PUNISHING OR DISCIPLINING YOUR CHILD?

February 18, 2009

ARE YOU PUNISHING OR DISCIPLINING YOUR CHILD?

CAROLYN’S COMPOSITIONS

ARE YOU PUNISHING OR DISCIPLINING YOUR CHILD?

This post is part of a continuing series about child abuse and parenting. At the end of this article are links to the other posts on this subject. If the links do not work, go to www.carolyncholland.wordpress.com , click on the folder CHILD ABUSE, and scroll down the posts to find answers to your questions. Links to the posta are listed at the end of this post.

     Confusion exists among both parents and professionals when it comes to differentiating between punishment and discipline.
     Webster’s dictionary defines punishment: “a penalty for a crime or offense; to injure or hurt.” It defines discipline: “training intended to produce a specified character or pattern of behavior.”
     The goal of punishment is control, its basis is fear and power. It produces quick results and it doesn’t need the parent’s emotional involvement. Children learn to respond to external controls rather than internal controls.
     The goal of discipline is teaching/guidance. Its basis is mutual respect, it takes time to produce desired results, and it needs the emotional involvement of the parent. Children learn to develop internal controls.
     Punishment works for a small child. But as the older child discovers that size equals power, s/he takes over, often hitting parents to show his/her strength and to take over parental control. He becomes a “behavior problem,” unable to control his/her own behavior, yet rebelling against weaker external authority.
     The disciplined child develops self-control, is better equipped to make life decisions, and outgrows the need for external authority.
     S/he becomes self-disciplined.
     There may be isolated situations when punishment is appropriate. When a toddler keeps running into traffic, for their safety, punishment may be the only means of making a quick point across: DO NOT RUN INTO TRAFFIC! Sometimes the child is too young or there is not time to instruct them, and only in these situations can punishment be justified. The child’s safety is at stake.
     Otherwise, discipline is the best way to go.
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     It is difficult to teach a child to accept your family values when they see and experience totally different ideas and strong peer pressure. To ultimately succeed, you will have to “consciously” parent, not assuming your children are “catching” lessons simply because you pattern them.
     Teach your children your belief about valid personal relationships, including use and abuse, and define entertainment limits.
     Give them a sense of belonging to history, of adding his steps to the path that others before him walked. Share family stories; create family traditions, and celebrate personal and family victories.
     Children may still rebel, but a secure family foundation eases their return to the family fold.
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PARENTING TIP
     If you do everything for your child, you do not prepare him for real life. Age-appropriate responsibilities and disciplines help them deal with crisis without being taken in by negative forces.
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PARENT-CHILD ACTIVITY
     Share with your child stories about his/her original birth day, and discuss different family traditions. For readers, create a story. Younger children can draw pictures to illustrate them.